I don't want to be in this anymore. I know my post sounded differently, but I've had some sleep now, and the phone conversation I had with him yesterday has worn off. I want out. I don't want to be guilted back into it. I want everyone in my life to stop telling me to stay. Most don't know about the sharing, and he's excellent at acting....most don't know there is abuse and don't believe me when I say there is because they know this other side of him. His friends say "oh that's just how he is, don't take it seriously". I've tried to get out many times.
His therapist also said (according to him) that he "needs" two people at once, and that the anger taken out on me is deserved. I don't think she really understands how bad it is...and I also think that she is just telling him what he wants...
I agree that there are a million issues with this. I feel ridiculous today. I feel, as another poster called me, stupid. I do need a therapist. I've lied about going to one to him (to solve my other issues according to him) because I'm so ashamed and afraid that the response will be laughed at and extremely harsh towards me, or one again of disbelief...that they would think I'm simply crazy (especially if he joined me in any therapy sessions).
You're completely right about the weight issue in that the other person is very very skinny. This is how he likes "boys" (they're almost 30, so it sounds strange to use the word boys...but that's what he calls them). I have felt like he would choose me if I was able to provide this level of "skinny"...but right now I just feel sick about this whole post... It's hard when people make fun of you for this, but I think it's my fault for being hurt in the first place. It seems as though when people know how to hurt you, it's used as a weapon.
Despite all the bad, he is nice to me sometimes, and fun to be around sometimes. That's about it. There's an awful lot of bad here that makes me think I've been fooling myself into thinking it would ever get better. He promised numerous times to leave the other person (not for me, but because his other person has actually cheated on him, stolen grocery money for cds and dvds, refused to pay their part of the phone plan the two of them have, and stormed out leaving their pets with him to care for, and actually run away as in disappeared for weeks or months at a time, etc).
I hear the phrase "you're the only one who can change it" from him all the time. This means doing what he wants according to him. I have done that and now that I think about it...the treatment didn't change, and he still left me for the other person.
Given the details I've supplied here in my replies to others as well, I'm not sure how to do that. I've tried to leave many times. Something always happens so that I am guilted and pressured back. I want to leave and I don't want to have to feel guilty for it. The guilt here is huge. The pressure is huge.
I also feel as though I have to write things down to remember them anymore...it's as if the bad things done disappear in my memory if I don't write them down. Sometimes I can't even remember what our conversations are about.
Last edited by Merxill; 06-18-2011 at 06:02 PM.