Hello out there. I'm Tenshi. I'm 25, female, and an American living in Japan. I am pansexual. I was introduced to the idea of polyamory by the BDSM community. I saw people having happy, successful relationships with multiple people and it seemed so right for me.
I think that polyamory is something that not only is in line with my personal beliefs about love and relationships, but that a poly relationship would make me a very happy girl. I've always had problems with monogamous relationships because I am so close to so many people and I could never just be in love with or close to my partner. In some cases, this led to cheating (which I am still very sorry and ashamed about), and sometimes it just led to my partner being frustrated that I still loved other people as well. Because of all my frustrations, I decided to be "single" because it was the only way I could get away with having close romantic and/or sexual relationships with more than one person.
My situation is a bit messy right now. I've been putting a lot of energy into figuring out what exactly it is that I want and how to get there. I have been "single" for about a year and a half. I have still been close to my ex as well as a few other people. I have two very deep romantic (and sexual) relationships with men. They're very important to me. I love them both very much and I can't see giving either one up. They do know about one another (They had been friends in the past, but because of an argument, they are not now.) but the situation is a bit hush-hush. I'll call one P and the other K.
K knows about my relationship with P and with anyone else I have any sort of romantic/sexual closeness with. He's okay with everything. We've decided we'd like to try having a polyamorous relationship. I was actually very surprised how easygoing he is about all of it. Things have gone well between us and I think we could have a very happy poly relationship. Unfortunately, P is not so poly. He also hates K because of an argument. He does know that I spend time with K and that we've had a sexual relationship but any mention of K normally ends in a severe argument (we just can't seem to resolve this!) so I try not to bring him up.
I've been living here for a couple months and I'll be here until August unless I decide to stay longer (one year contracts), so I have some time to work things out but I'm also kind of lonely. My ideal situation would be to have both K and P as boyfriends as well as being able to continue to have my "sort of" girlfriend and an old dom of mine as lovers. I don't think this can happen but I intend to come out to P with my intentions to be poly and my desires soon. (
I have mentioned wanting to be poly before, so this won't be a huge shock.)
I just fear that our relationship will come to an end and I love him so much I couldn't stand that. On the other hand, I want to be able to live freely and honestly. I want to be happy even if it takes a lot of work and pain to get there.