Originally Posted by Ariakas
What about consideration for the other person? Not everyone in open relationships believes in full disclosure. In fact, in my case, I prefer some discretion. It makes the relationship feel private. This concept of the primaries having full rights, removes the privacy rights of the secondaries.. At least thats how it feels to me when reading it
Sometimes there is far too much open in an open relationship.
In this case we are talking about sex. Why does my wife need to know how I have sex with other people, or visa versa. There is 0 reason for that to be discussed... UNLESS thats within the confines of the sexual fantasy aspect within non-monogamy.
Well, like with everything else there are private issues that don't beg disclosure. Sure, some people like to announce particularly significant aspects of, say, a bowel movement but not everyone appreciates the information and it may offend as well.
I guess it depends on individuals' preferences but I have too often seen people agree to mutual secrecy out of fear to offend a person they love by expressing honest curiosity. If someone loves you and you love them, why should you see it as a threat if they are curious about private thoughts, feelings, and experiences? Isn't love all about sharing and being able to express things comfortably that can't be expressed otherwise?
I'm not saying that love is lacking if full disclosure on anything and everything isn't sought and welcomed. I just find it interesting to examine why it is that secrecy and shame surround sexuality in so many ways and I think this has much to do with why sexuality has so much negativity and pain connected with it.