Originally Posted by sinew
Just3, I love your conviction.
I miss feeling so sure. I suppose everyone thinks they know what they'd do if they discovered their partner having an affair. But I would point out that as much as you hate lying from your children, you don't actually disown them when they do it. You might wish you could, especially when it's something very bad, but in the end love compels you to try and forgive. I think it's a lot like that, and that may be why more women forgive their cheating partners than men forgive their cheating partners.
LOL I wish I was sure all the time. But many days Im flying by the seat of my pants and hoping the day turns out well.
No I cant disown the kids. (tempting when I have a preteen right now.....) I think your right that forgiveness is possible. Its not forgotten. I have been cheated on before and it hurt and yeah.. I tried to forgive. I tried to move on. And honestly.. I would have.. If it werent for all the other lies mixed in. My kids know its a lot of work to make up for the lie no matter how small. Same goes for a adult. I give allowances to kids because their motivation is a childish one and children are impulsive. Adults...well its a lot harder to give allowances because they are..well adults. Most kids dont have a conscience so when they lie its just a self serving thing that most the time they dont realize its going to affect someone else. And thats what we teach the kids. Adults have already out grown this. Or should lol. I have known many people my age who I swear were never taught anything about that lol.
I say good luck! You seem to be a very strong person and your heart seems to be very caring. Its very brave to come ask for help and insight. And the advice here is wonderful. I have used it many times