Originally Posted by Abstract
Here is my question, for the people that do check thier "others" e-mails and stuff...why do you feel the need to do that? Do you not trust them? I know if I am looking at someones private things its for one of two reasons, I came across it got curious and started to read, found it interesting or exciting....like reading someones diary, or I am trying to find something out and see if I can trust them..
I think the only people here that have checked their partners email were all, at the time, being lied to and cheated on. (I could be wrong, but I don't remember anybody else saying they DID check, just that they had the info and could.)
I can only speak for myself. I did it once, and one time only, because I knew he was lying to me. It wasn't cheating, since we've always been nonmonogamous, but I've always made it clear that lying isn't acceptable to me.
It wasn't an easy time, and I felt like crap because I felt invading his privacy was wrong as well. But I had to know for sure because I "knew", but had no facts and it was driving me crazy. I figured if the information was out we'd either deal with it or break up and at that point either one was fine with me because I had lost trust and about lost my mind.
Two good things did come out of it, though. He realized that it was just easier to be honest because if I couldn't handle the honesty then we shouldn't be together anyway. And he figured out that I could always tell if he was being either dishonest, or hiding something. I just know. Once he realized that he didn't try anymore, and that opened us up in a new direction we never would have gone. And I have never done it since, nor would I again. It took a LOT for me to break that boundary the first time...
I would never read somebody's personal stuff just because I was curious, or thought it was interesting. I kind of equate it to being in a business partnership where your partner is embezzling from you. Do you just leave the partnership because of the embezzling with no proof? Do you investigate to find proof so that you can either leave the business relationship knowing the truth or deal with it? Does the embezzling person feel like you are horrible for not trusting them and searching their things? Does it make a difference if you were wrong?