Thread: Hiding pain
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Old 06-16-2011, 11:48 AM
polyexplorer polyexplorer is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Australia
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Thanks for the comments from different people...

I am very aware that it is a huge shift to move from a mono upbringing to a poly one. I certainly don't expect that to shift overnight. We have been working through this for six years now, so I also don't think it's a patience thing either.

I think that what I can do better is to let go of any sense of pressure or expectation. That's what I want to do for my wife.

The place that we are stuck is about deciding what we want. I have decided. I now know that to be true to myself that I am poly. If my wife decided that she definitely wanted to be in a mono marriage and have someone love her and only her at an intimate level, (and this is a perfectly legitimate thing to want) then I would have to say to her that I am not the person who can provide that for her.

We love each other deeply, so this makes things really difficult for my wife. On the one hand she does want a mono marriage, on the other hand she recognises my capacity and desire to love more than one, and also sees that this is good for me and deep down realises that I cannot keep going in a relationship that does not allow me to express this love to others. So in her mind the only choices are to get on board with poly or let me go. Not an easy choice! The difficulty is she is yet to fully make that choice. The difficulty for me is to give her the space and freedom she needs to come to that choice, when the longer this stalemate keeps going on the more pain I feel...

Time and space will reveal all...
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