Thread: New and Scared
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Old 06-15-2011, 03:48 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 478

Gave me something to think about today, Bangel. Looking back, I sometimes wish I had responded in the mono way you describe, rather than the poly way. Once I fell in love, it was TOO LATE. We're making the best of it now. But in the future? I think I would choose the route of distance/resistance.

Wow, does this make me "mono" caught in a poly life???

I have embraced polyamory because it was the best option when I found myself in love with two people at the same time. I couldn't rewind the clock, go back and "unlove" or will myself to fall out of love.

But, would I seek this out, intentionally? Well, no -- because both my husband and my boyfriend are mono! It would be totally different if they wanted to embrace a tribal lifestyle, because I believe I would love that. But my husband is tolerating this, and my boyfriend sees it as a temporary arrangement. It's very carpe deim, which is ok, but it can be hard to grasp. It is also very private, which is a challenge for me. If they wanted to stand on a mountain, all three of us, and proclaim their love for me and let me proclaim mine for them, that would be utopia for me! But since this is such a secretive way to live and love, (due to their reservations, fears, beliefs, male pride, whatever), frankly I will be relieved to someday have it be over. When my boyfriend moves on, into a traditional relationship, all I hope is that he will be happy and I can move on as well. My husband and I will move forward as a couple and we will have learned and grown from this experience.

I do have sadness, because "I have a dream...." of us all together with our kids, playing and picnicking and sharing the duties of raising a family and running a household, pooling our resources, going camping and going dancing, meeting each other's families and challenging them to open their hearts and minds.....

But I have to accept the reality that that is my fantasy, not theirs.

Notice the nicknames for my men. I am in love with two macho cowboys! The mere fact that they have even agreed to this V arrangement, even temporarily, is a fucking miracle in itself!
Formerly married to Sundance
Boyfriend -- Butch Cassidy
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