Originally Posted by polyexplorer
How does a mono person who has not signed up for a poly life make a decision to fully support and dive into this life (without it necessarily meaning that they live a poly life themselves if they are truly mono)? If I felt like my wife had made this decision and had dived in, I am convinced that things would be different for us, and the painful emotions we experience would not be nearly as intense...
In order to embrace poly the way you do, she would likely have to be poly...and maybe she is not. If she is mono then what you are asking for is basically like asking a devoted Muslim to embrace Christianity just because it'll make going to church easier for you. You can find a comfortable compromise in a mono/poly relationship but to expect your wife to change how she fundamentally works, to make how you work easier, is a little selfish don't you think?
I've been in a mono/poly relationship for over 2.5 years as the mono and I can tell you I am no closer to completely embracing or fully understanding poly as a way to engage in relationships. I am very happy but I doubt if there could ever be the same type of calm peaceful feeling that a mono relationship can provide. On the other side of the coin I doubt if Redpepper will be able to achieve the same level of understanding and support from me as she does from her Poly husband. But we are happy and committed
Keep working and be patient