Thread: Privacy
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Old 06-15-2011, 02:26 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,923
Default Privacy as space to think

Originally Posted by rory View Post
To people who don't understand that a person needs privacy from their partner, do you understand that not every friend of your partner's may want to share everything with you?
Rory, I thought this was spot on.

Also, privacy is critical to me because having it allows me the space I desperately need to think things through, to mull my feelings over. It takes time for me to figure out what's going in my head. Privacy is not just the absence of snooping - I also consider privacy to be a physical and mental space in a relationship for people to think about stuff and hopefully grow. If I don't have that space, then I have great difficulty first realizing and then understanding what I'm feeling and thinking.

Some people just *know* what they are thinking or feeling most of the time. I have friends who may have less need for privacy because they communicate whatever is going on in their heads at the time it occurs to them. It seems many poly folks use this model too - and there is nothing wrong with that. I admire my friends who can do this.

But I just don't work that way. At least at first, I need space to consider, to think. And that is usually a solitary process. After a while, I do bounce things off lovers and friends but I start internally and work outwards, rather than the other way 'round.
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