I think it would be nice if we all had nurturing environments and stable upbringings and had the support structures in place to make us strong. I try to work toward that goal. But a lot of us have to make do with the best ingredients we can find at the time. I really think that life is too short to wait until you become some sort of paragon before you begin to enjoy the skin you're in.
From the story so far, I get the same sense of dread: there will be a very messy ending. I have no doubt that there will be decisions made along the way that will be looked back on with a "if I'd known then what I know now," but the nauture of life is such that all you know now is all you know now.
So, sparklypleasures, thanks for caring enough to come here to seek out advice. Please take all of our well-intended advice and weigh it all against what your own heart and the hearts of those involved guide you to do. Please strive for as much open and honest communication as makes sense to your situation as soon and as frequently as possible. Please don't get too discouraged along the way, there are huge challenges along the way, but what I've seen in life leads me to believe the destination is well worth getting to.