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Old 06-14-2011, 02:24 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by Sikau View Post
I both agree and disagree with your assessment. I think the hubby (I'm gonna just call him R) has come a million miles forward from where he started in therapy. He's actually gained a real sense of self and the confidence to put that forward. However, I also think that it's possible for additional self-acceptance and confidence to emerge (it's always possible isn't it?). However, only he can know if/when the time is right for more work to be done and I fully support and respect that as his decision. I'm lucky that he also supports that in me. I only hope we find a way to be in sync with our growth.
That's awesome to hear Sikau. Happy for him and you also.
Obviously I know nothing of the issues/history and it's none of my business anyway so not my place to comment except in a general fashion.
But often a big part of therapy is teaching people how to gain control in their life to help minimize fears and increase confidence. And 'control' - when it comes to relationships - is going to put you two on different paths.
It may be that that is what is necessary for him to live a productive, happy life, however he defines that. And if that's what's necessary and that creates a huge conflict with you, then he's going to have to choose to move forward without you.
We make those kind of trade-offs all the time, sometime unknowingly.

Another related thought is that if there has been ANY relationship discussion as part of the therapy and the therapist is NOT poly aware, there's no doubt been at least some subliminal suggestion that happiness comes with the 'standard model' and that anything else is unacceptable. If he's swallowed that bait.........well............

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