My friends, in the years I've participated in this forum, I've engaged very deeply with the subject of polyamory (multiple loving). And I've seen so much pain and suffering and confusion about loving here! And I've seen so much joy and celebration of love, and the associated healing and growth. And I've seen the two swirled together all at once. I want to thank you all for opening up and sharing your stories and journey. And I want to file my report now. I have, after years and years of inquiry and study and practice, discovered The Key To Allowing It To Work (polyamory, that is).
Firstly, one must take notice that I said "allowing" it to work, not "making it work". There are something like laws to loving, similar to laws in physics. A person cannot really make love, except by allowing it. That's one of the laws of love, but I dislike the word "law" in this context, it feels wrong. Principle? I dunno, you offer a better word -- I'll call it a principle for now until I think of a better word.
Here are some more principles of love and loving.:
Love is not a substance or a commodity which can be divided up and divvied
out in measured quantities, like money or pie. Its source is infinite, therefore its every
particular expression carries with it this infinitude.
Love is a healing power. It immediatly begins or continues a healing process wherever it is present. (It is not yet widly known, but this is a principle in every discipline, be it economics or medicine or astronomy--even physics and biology.) To heal is to become whole. Love's essential nature is wholeness, which is infinite and mysterious. That's why it must be allowed rather than made. It's the essence of existence at its heart. Everything, everyone, already is love. We just need to let ourselves be.
Love grows when given, appreciated, enjoyed, celebrated, danced, written, accepted, etc....
Love withers and shrinks when we attempt to control it in any way.
I'll have more principles of love I've discovered in later segments of my report. But I wanted to get to what I promised to offer here, The Key To Allowing It To Work (polyamory, that is) . . . [or any -amory at all]:
Never attempt to grasp and hold on to love.
No..., no..., that's not it! That's what it would look like if it were a "law," if it were a Commandment from On High. Can you feel the unlove in it? I can.
Here it is, really:
If you want to keep love, let it go.
That's the key. Hold on to this Key tightly. Write it down and paste it on your walls. Cling to it as if ... wait a minute!! Let it go.