It is like I was waiting for something to go wrong so that my insecurities would be justified.
That is the scariest thing I've read in a long time. I dated a woman like that for almost 5 years. I still love her - but cannot faathom ever being with her again. Once free of that relationship, I realized how much I had grown to hate her, and how much she had caused me to hate myself. FIX THIS. If not for your current relationships sake, than for every other person you will ever be with.
There were other things said by you and others tht I wanted to quote and comment on After [osting that last bit, I can't even think of them. I cannot express the importance there.
LovingRadience is correct - you are overstructuring the situation and trying to control it. This relates to the above statement, and is biulding slow, steady, and incredibly strong resentment in your man. The kind that gets heated slowly over time to a white hot glow as you constrict and make him feel like he's unworthy for being himself, forged into a blade when you argue with him about things he wishes he'd never agreed to, quenched in icewater when one day you start a real good fight about something he feels justified for in the face of your long term unreasonableness, and sharpened to a keen edge capable of splitting the finest hairs when he finds he must resort to that in order to find any breating room in your structure. And one day there will be an incident - the one that breaks the camels back, be it big or small. And you will find that that blade is VERY strong, and VERY sharp, and that in the face of everyting he will not hesitate to weild it.
Been there, done that. Sorry my post feels as though it attacks you Redsirenn, but I bet I could step into your relationship and tell you what you're going to say before you say it in any argument the two of you have ever had - and I know what that relationship did to both of us, and you need to prevent that.