Thread: Advice?
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Old 06-14-2011, 02:27 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aitch View Post
Am in stable 30+ year old marriage.

SO has always been poly (now I know the word for it!) & I've known ever since 3 months before wedding. General process is he lies about new fb's then I find evidence, we row, I forgive him - but he never seems to feel he's done anything wrong. I have a lifetime of covering for him to other people and to some of his fb's who've suspected they aren't the "only one".
Fucking around is not poly. He can have all the fuck buddies in the world and that doesn't qualify as poly--he'd have to have actual honest, loving relationships to be poly. Poly also requires acting in an ethical fashion, so lying about his fuck buddies means that he's nothing other than a garden-variety cheater.

You've been doing nothing but enabling his bad behavior, too. My question is this: why have you spent years enabling him only to complain about it now?

And if you're serious about not liking what he's doing, are you actually prepared to do something about it?

If you want more of his attention, then ask for it. If he doesn't give it to you, then you can walk away. If you're going to stay whether the relationship meets your needs or not, then there's truly nothing that can be done to improve your position.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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