Thread: Advice?
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Old 06-14-2011, 01:30 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
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Originally Posted by Aitch View Post
. . . he lies about new fb's then I find evidence, we row, I forgive him . . . I have a lifetime of covering for him to other people and to some of his fb's who've suspected they aren't the "only one". . .

He currently has 2 fbs and has denied having another who hasn't been discussed (but he's been there before). I don't have the energy for a challenge - it wouldn't be pleasant & would have no positive benefit.

He is actually a very loving natured person.
All the things you stated which I have bolded would prove otherwise. Lying to you and fucking around without an agreement between you, and lying to the other people he's fucking, are not what a very loving person would do.

Originally Posted by Aitch View Post
I assume they MUST be looking down on me, thinking I am inadequate for him to be needing them. I on the other hand couldn't contemplate actually loving anyone else but him - tbh the thought scares me. I don't want the baggage of another person's emotions.

. . . when we do have sex it's fine... no not stunningly earth-shattering, but pretty good and satisfying enough and there is variety. The biggest issue is the infrequency which is often to do with him being tired when we are together and because he's well-satisfied elsewhere it just doesn't seem to occur to him that I might be feeling in need.
Again, all indicative of someone who is more abusive than loving. It seems he has worn you down and you have convinced yourself that the crumbs he throws your way aren't so bad, not his fault, and that maybe there's something wrong with you.

Originally Posted by Aitch View Post
. . . the lying, treating me a bit like a parent who'll spoil his fun is a salient observation. And yes that's the only area where there is a problem. He regularly takes me to lunch, offers to shop, cook tea etc. If I am ill, he is super-attentive. . . . He tells me frequently that he loves me and would do anything for me . . . but of course it is only until next time he finds someone new.
How nice that he feeds you and makes sure you have groceries... and convinced you that that is enough. Really, it's like he's turned you into a pet -- as long as he keeps your water bowl and food dish full, he's trained you into being faithful. You make so many excuses for him, but what you have written about here paints a picture of someone who puts his own desires before everything else and does not respect you in the least.

How would he react if you told him you were quitting or changing jobs to be with him in the daytime? His need for "daytime dalliances" is just an excuse.

His cheating is not the only problem, as I see it!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Last edited by nycindie; 06-14-2011 at 01:34 AM.
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