Originally Posted by nycindie
Yeah, you will see lots of references to primary, secondary, etc. Many (but certainly not all!) poly people do rank their relationships, but my understanding of that philosophy is that it's not based on a any criteria of who's "better" or more... something???
..., but rather the amount of time or investment there can be given to that relationship. I think it's the relationship that is really ranked more than the person, if that makes sense. Sometimes a relationship cannot be primary simply because it is long-distance, for example. For many, I've learned, the primary person is a spouse with whom finances and child-rearing responsibilities are shared, and the other relationships are called secondary or tertiary based on the amount of responsibility or some other significance that puts the primary as being central.
Yeah, I do get that. It's more of a personal preference. I like to avoid the ranking system as much as possible mostly because, even if it does just describe how relationships naturally develop, it's still putting them in order. "Different" just sounds better to me.
Although, as much as I don't like it, I do sometimes have to, like with my previous post. There's no avoiding it, I guess.