Originally Posted by RedPep
there is a purpose to holding on to anger, hurt and pain over cheating for a time, sometimes always, even just a bit. It protects and keeps a person safe.
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit
Really ? Does it ?
How does feeding negative emotions - giving them power - which DOES affect our daily lives (and health) and interaction help ?
Or is it the lesson we hope we've learned that can protect us from future pain ?
sorry, kinda late chiming in here.
(I will refer to cheating in terms of unknown sexual infidelity that comes from casual sex as well as from emotional infidelity...)
I think that allowing people to stew in their anger is part of grieving and necessary to move on. One can move on from the anger etc. of someone having cheated on them but still rise to anger when they think about the incident... the protection comes in from experiencing it and knowing how to handle it next time.
I don't think anger, hurt and pain are negative.... they are useful in getting us to a place we have never been before and make us realize we need to protect ourselves from that person in case they do it again. The negativity comes in when a person is always angry, always hurt and never trusts anyone again. That person might never do it again, and might even be forgiven, but it still happened and the emotions that come up with that have every right to be their if it helps in keeping a person safe by remembering what it felt like to be cheated on.
Complete trust is just not an option again after cheating I don't think. I wish it were, but I don't think its necessarily wise... at least not for me. That innocent and vulnerable connection is precious and very delicate. I don't believe that innocence is ever achieved again in a relationship where their has been a partner cheating on the other.