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Old 06-13-2011, 05:07 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 495

Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
That's hard and yeah coordinating calendars wouldn't work, except maybe to make sure you guys at least get more "face time". My dad was military and gone alot when we were babies, but not so much as I got older. I still say keep him informed of your struggles, don't hide it as a way to "make everyone happy". I have seen people make decissions based on their belief that everything is "OK" only to realize too late that it really was only a hair away from total collapse.
Yeah, I don't want to do that either. It's basically the way I HAVE been handling things, which is because I feel it "shouldn't" bother me, I just keep it quiet that it does hoping it will pass and it then grows and becomes a bigger monster.

I'm searching for the between-ground between being able to express what I need and not being super demanding. My heart wants to be super demanding because I really need a LOT right now, and a lot of it I can't have. I need him home with me right now-- and that ain't gonna happen. So I can't keep whining about it, but I still need to deal with it. How to do that without either just "pushing through" or losing my mind is what I'm working on.

More face time is really nice, but it's just not enough right now. But it's all I have and can have. LOL... a dilemma! The problem is we've been emotionally and somewhat physically distant for years. So it's not like he's been gone a few months, no problem. He's mostly been gone for years...

So I'm doing a lot of reading right now on letting go of the past. That's really the first thing I need to do. I need to finally box up all of the bad past between us so that I can not keep flashing back to it. I need to see him 'as he is now', and not mix that up with the person he's been for so long.

Again, much easier if he was actually HERE. Much easier if he wasn't in a new relationship, which just adds to what I need to adapt to and deal with. Much easier if all of this seemed actually REAL. It doesn't much of the time. It's all phone calls, texts, skype... computer stuff. It doesn't actually feel like real life yet. It's like it's all in my imagination right now. And the only solution I see to this is to try to focus on me until I can get to some reality.
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