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Old 06-13-2011, 01:11 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Hi Sikau,

I feel for the place you are at.
This is typical of why the whole "happily ever after" fantasy is such a cruel delusion.

As we live & mature, we start to discover more of who we REALLY are. If we were going to advise our kids - what would we tell them about making (supposed) lifetime commitments to someone when you are 18-30 and have only know them for a few years (if that).
I suspect in most cases we'd tell them "Don't do it !!!".
So why do WE do it ?
Because nobody told (warned) us not to ! (and explained why)

Why do we STILL do it !
Because we still haven't learned the lesson.

I'm going to venture that your hubby has opened some cans of worms in therapy that don't have covers (closure) on them yet. The process has really fed his insecurities in a big way. He's in a much more fearful position now that he was prior to therapy. Work is unfinished.
Clinging to monogamy as a lifeline is trying to take a simplified approach to a complex challenge. That being relationships & sexuality. Like most shortcuts - it usually doesn't work and it all comes crashing down on us.

How long/if you want to ride with him and see if he CAN finally get some closure and confidence back is a tough call. Nobody can make it for you - or advise you. You'll know if there's forward progress - or back sliding.

It's a hard choice to have to make. {{{{hugs}}}

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