What about jealousy or envy being depressing?
I love my husband. I love our girlfriend but I still get jealous of how much affection she shows him that I don't feel a part of.
Warning. I'm going to hijack this thread now and ramble a bit.
From day one she's felt a deep passion for him and claimed our passion would grow with time. It's been 10 months and I still feel like the third wheel some times to their passion. We all wanted a triad to begin with and sometimes it feels like that, but other times most definately does not feel that way to me. She doesn't live with us and couldn't even if we all wanted to, but we still talk about living closer to each other. She calls him our husband in private and public as well as saying we are a triad to people but all of what I hear is her love and passion for him. She says she loves me, but sometimes I just don't feel romantically loved by her, especially when she talks of when she first meet him and then me. We were to meet all at once, but due to circumstances, I had to drop him off at the meet up site, run an errand and pick them both up a half hour later. Some times I think we got off on the wrong foot but I can't seem to find my balance and keep stumbling. Fallen and hurt I lay there just wondering if she'll ever show me the passion I want to share with her but am scared to ask for. My irrational fears take hold and say "Don't push her, she may not ever feel that way or much for me. Don't wreck it for them. They love each other and it's not right to break them up over my irrational emotions that seem so self centered whenever I try to talk about them." He's told me I need to talk to her more about it all and I know I should but I'm still scared to aproach her about it. I have tried a couple of times and failed misserably. The words that came out of my mouth were not perfect and what she heard wasn't always what I had meant. Each time we manage to seem to resolve some of it a bit and stay together, but not the heart of the issue. I really love her and value her friendship but I want the romance too and I don't know how to initiate it with her. As she said, "it can't all be about the sex." But is romance and sex the same thing for her or what?
I don't want to loose her but sometimes I think a V is more of what we have. I suggested it already but was told a triad is what we have and want to have. If it was a V, then they could go on dates and I'll try to find a girlfriend for just me to be with while they are together. He's okay with me having a girlfriend but not a boyfriend. If I could have a boyfriend, I'd have one already. A girlfriend is way harder to find, for me anyways.
I bought three great books, Opening Up, Open, and The Ethical Slut, but I still haven't read any of them all the way through. I'm going to try to read them while on vacation and maybe they can help me figure things out.