Originally Posted by redsirenn
On the one hand, It has only been a freaking month! I feel (and my friends agree) that this is insensitive of him. He saw her 3 times this summer, and WHY must he stop during this trip (or even mention it!) when he knows how emotionally charged the trip is for me already!!?
I am soo bothered by this.
On the other hand, I want to be compassionate...
THe hurt (from both of these issues) is just too much for me. I am definitly not running away, or trying to avoid anything. In fact, I am tackling one fear already by making this trip. I just don't want my head to be clouded by another issue... which at the moment is making me just want to cancel the whole damn thing.
I know this is selfish. I just don't know if it is the best thing for me to try to do all of this at once. AND, it makes me question Ouroboros' sincerity that he would bring this up now. I still need time. this feels like pressure. If I feel pressured, I put up walls. So, In order for me to get past this, I need to not feel pressure. The very thought that he brought it up makes me feel like he cannot wait to be with her...
My buddy suggested I talk with him, and tell him how I feel. If he pressures me, or fights with me, I guess I will know then that this relationship won't work out... right?
What are you afraid will happen? I mean-what is the WORST case scenario?
When I feel insecure, jealous etc I ask myself these questions. Then WHY and WHAT WOUD I DO.
Something I read while researching about poly said (paraphrasing)
"if one person is feeling insecure and needs time to adjust the other partner should allow this-but if 3 weeks goes by and you are still stuck on needing time and feeling insecure that's pushing it and you need to stop vascillating and start working on your issue."
The 3week part was a quote-it stuck in my head. Your post reminds me of this. I get that you need time to solve your insecurity issues-but at the same time, it's not fair to expect someone to wait indefinately for that to happen. ESPECIALLY if the BASE cause of those insecurities isn't them... (which I dont' know as I don't know you).
So while I agree that the kiss which was against the agreement was wrong-I wonder if maybe you are dragging your feet impossibly? In which case-if he were on here saying that his partner wouldn't allow him to see/be with etc anyone else though she knew he was poly-well I think many would tell him it was time to end the relationship because obviously she was mono and wasn't willing to accept him for who he was.....
I'm NOT judging you-not at all, because as I said-I'm just going on what I've read in this thread. I have a heart too-and it's been crushed to smithereens-sounds like you are there. I just hope maybe something I said could give you a little broader perspective.
If you two really love each other-and he really is poly by nature-it will only work if you can allow him to LIVE poly... if you can't (and some people can't that's ok) then really you do need to leave him for both your sakes. It's not fair to you or him really.....