Originally Posted by redsirenn
No I haven't - I spent time with the both of them. We are currently supposed to be monogamous to work out these trust issues, and at the moment I do not even like her. I have no interest in seeing her, talking to her, or anything. I am angry at her as well for breaking the agreement and since that weekend was her opportunity to BEGIN to build trust with me (trust for me is earned, not given away freely and then taken away) she has negative points in the trust bank for me.
I know alot of this stems from my feelings of insecurity with Ouroboros at the moment, but so be it. I am NOT ready, and in fact INCREDIBLY PISSED.
She has made absolutely no effort to make things better on my part, and I do not even see it happening in the future.
Red-I don't know you. But you remind me in this quote of my husband Maca. I don't know your situation in full-so feel free to take my statements with a grain of salt.
But if you create a situation that is too structured, you can create exactly what you were trying to avoid by putting so much structure in-that is something I've learned with parenting. When raising children we have to give them "enough rope to hang themselves" so that they CAN prove themselves. Sometimes they prove they aren't ready for the freedom, sometimes they prove they are immediately ready for more.
If my husband (well he did) put such strictures on me as you described (NOT saying you are wrong) I would fail (I did) because inherently inside of me I NEED more than that from people I care about. I can't function that way. Ironically when he gave me freedom to be with my boyfriend in anyway I needed as long as it wasn't in his face, I spent the last two weeks making love to my husband twice a day-not the boyfriend. Because I COULD-the need was relieved already......
Right now my husband is actively working on his insecurities which sound similar to yours-I think you two might benefit from conversing about them-maybe bounce ideas off each other for working on your issues.
He's on here too-his name is Maca. Maybe send him a private message or something. I know he could use someone to talk with as well. As great as things are going so far-he's had a long road with me and I haven't made it easy (quite the opposite, I'm not sure why he stuck around!).
I wish you luck!