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Old 06-13-2011, 01:40 AM
Sikau Sikau is offline
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 8

I've considered the limited-time mono thing...and I guess you could say I have unofficially been trying it since this whole thing began...especially the last few months. I've devoted quite a bit of time to just living in the moment, pushing poly thoughts out of my head. But they crop up again and again. We lived mono together for 4 years before this, though I hadn't yet realized the significance of my poly feelings at the time...I didn't even know there was a word for it. However, I know I could be happy living mono...I just don't know how happy. Just like I know I could move on and be happy in my life, even if my marriage ends...but again, how happy? I worry that I'll just end up hurting us both more, if I stay and develop resentment...or if he can tell that there's a part of me missing. I guess I figure if I regret leaving, at least that gave him the chance to move on and be truly happy...and I can live with the pain (what a saint huh?). And there's the lingering thought that I can't unshoot the gun...I can't unknow what I've learned, unfeel the feelings I've experienced. I can't just go back, but I am afraid to move forward. In any case, your suggestion, as well as what I've mentioned above is definitely something I want to go over in therapy. Oh, and thanks for the tip so I don't lose my posts!
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