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Old 10-09-2009, 07:42 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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What a heartbreaking story.
Makes my stomach hurt.

Why?

Because I had a long term affair with someone I dearly loved instead of dealing with the issues in my marriage and the result was 2 abortions (with a lot of regret because to me that is murder), destruction of trust in MYSELF, respect of MYSELF, dragging out problems that could (and should) have been solved YEARS ago.

Here I am today-still in love with my husband and still in love with the other man finding out that my husband loves me enough to try a poly life AND finding out he likes the idea and experience (still hard moments yes way too new to get away from THAT being a daily trial) and learning that we are even MORE compatible than we thought.
BUT now we have the baggage of hurt feelings, lost trust and pain that we must heal together (two of us, other two of us, two of them and three of us) and THAT is hard work we could have avoided if we had heeded RP's advice to you (of course we didn't have it then-but YOU DO).

Love her and her children-by that I mean

LOVE them enough to be sure they are HEALED FIRST from the painful abusive relationship they are in.

LOVE them enough to allow them time to rebuild themselves into FULL and COMPLETE women capable of making TRUE decisions for themselves.

LOVE them enough to be the friend that COULD become a REAL lover because they took time to respect the clean up process FIRST.

I would never say it's impossible you "belong" together. But that can't be decided FOR SURE unless that woman is given the freedom to be FREE from abuse and the NEED for a "safe haven". When she has her own safe haven and can choose to keep her own or share it with another-THEN you can say if it's "meant to be".

I like to say love is a VERB not a noun. People use it as a noun all the time (annoys the piss out of me).
Saying "I love you" like it's a thing.

But love is an ACTION WORD-a verb and that means acting in a LOVING manner-and most often loving someone means giving them freedom to take care of their needs BEFORE you get to find out about them fulfilling ANY of your needs...

Good luck!!!! It sounds like both the mother and the daughter desperately need some real friends to support them, please take time to be that.
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