Thread: Advice?
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Old 06-12-2011, 09:32 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
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A few things. First of all your SO isn't really polyamorous if he isn't engaged in multiple loving relationships and all he has are fuck buddies. Furthermore, it isn't polyamory if you and he didn't agree to it, and all his fuck buddies don't know he's in a long-term relationship and fucking other people. He's just cheating with your knowledge. And it seems he lies to you quite frequently. This is not ethical non-monogamy.

Your needs aren't being met and both of you are not aligned in how to handle each other's sexual desires. In addition, you are not communicating well.

I think that some kind of therapy, for yourself or the both of you, might help to at least get you two talking and on the same page as far as cultivating mutual respect for each other. Another way might be for you two to try swinging, but I'm not sure about that -- it doesn't seem like your SO has much respect for you or your relationship, from what you've posted here. You'd probably need a stronger foundation for that.

Actually, I suggest you get yourself another relationship where your needs are met. I'm not talking fuck buddy, I'm talking about a caring, loving relationship -- now that is poly!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 06-12-2011 at 09:36 PM.
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