Thread: Advice?
View Single Post
Old 06-12-2011, 08:08 PM
Aitch Aitch is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 4
Unhappy Advice?

Am in stable 30+ year old marriage.

SO has always been poly (now I know the word for it!) & I've known ever since 3 months before wedding. General process is he lies about new fb's then I find evidence, we row, I forgive him - but he never seems to feel he's done anything wrong. I have a lifetime of covering for him to other people and to some of his fb's who've suspected they aren't the "only one". I am basically monogomous, tho SO has persuaded me into 3's a few times and I've had one brief fb. Both made me feel cheap - I kept comparing myself unfavourably with the other woman.

He currently has 2 fbs and has denied having another who hasn't been discussed (but he's been there before). I don't have the energy for a challenge - it wouldn't be pleasant & would have no positive benefit.

Problem = I am not getting what I need, but he is. It's not that he doesn't want me, but he likes daytime dalliances & it's not me who's generally free in the day & in the evening he's too tired. He can take time out from work & I can't, but his fb's can. When I have days off, he doesn't make any effort to take time out. If I complain about my lack he says moodily he doesn't keep records of time/date/place, and the problem is that work is making us both tired! While he's satisfied, he's of course not bothered. If he seems to feel ok, not too tired and I decide to start something he will usually be happy to join in, but I want him to want me enough to start it! I don't want to feel he's humouring me.

I don't have any intention of separating - other than the above, we are "soul-mates". I don't want a fb. I can't give up work. How can i stop feeling jealous and just learn to accept a limited sex life ?

Last edited by Aitch; 06-12-2011 at 08:09 PM. Reason: realised something wasn't clear
Reply With Quote