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Old 06-12-2011, 03:06 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Hi Il2M

Originally Posted by Ilove2men View Post
Witnessing his interactions and flirtations are having a positive and negative effect on me as is dicussing them. I find myself feeling safe and proud that we are able to be open with eachother about this.
I think this is the part of poly awareness that you can never lose once you discover it. I also think everyone is capable of being attracted to others, whether it's only physically or emotionally. But whether we act on it depends on a lot of things. "owning" our poly-ness simply means we accept that it's ok to act if all the circumstance are conducive to it. But that's not always the case.

We also have discussed a lot here the concept of "fullness". Like you mentioned, you guys tried it, discovered how much work it actually is, and decided to forgo it (at least for now). You are "enough" for each other right now.

That doesn't make you "mono" ! It just makes you full. Don't confuse that. Time and circumstances could change that. You've been there before. Accept that little lesson.

I also feel turned on by it. BUT, I also have feelings of "He's MINE!" I don't act upon them. I don't get mad at him, but they are there. I feel like a poly girl with a secret monogamonster trapped inside.
Well - he's NOT "yours" ! Of course you know that. You're partners - not owners. But old programming takes a long time to replace. Don't beat yourself up about it. Laugh at it. Acknowledge it but give it no power.
The fact that you are kind of operating in 'mono' mode right now could make it easy for those old beliefs and reactions to resurface. That's all it is. Fascinating eh ?

There is a particular neighbor that gives off the vibe of no respect for our relationship. (ie she would have no problems being with a cheater) This scares me.
Why does it scare you ? What scares you ?
That he might jump at her bait ? Or is it that he might - and not tell you ?
Seems easy enough to put this to bed. Just approach him and tell him if wants to go there - do it ! Just tell you about it please !
From your description of her and her actions I'd venture that it's what she needs. To just get banged and let go.

I trust him. I am happy and he is happy. Why do I feel threatened? I feel as though since we agreed to be mono I def have some territorial tendencies that are trying to break free.
Again - more old programming triggered by the concept (and discussion) of 'mono'. I suggest you eliminate that term - replace it with "full". I don't think that once someone discovers poly nature, there's ever any going back. Life (views on relationships) is simply never the same. Information doesn't go away.

The difference I see between mono and poly isn't about current activity - it's about philosophy.

It's either ok to acknowledge the option of multiple people in relationship - or it isn't ! Whether it's happening at any given moment is just details. The philosophy doesn't change.

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