Thread: River's Blog
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Old 06-12-2011, 02:49 PM
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River River is offline
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 2,164

What madness is this!?

Text! Lots of text, but text nontheless, emails mostly. A phone call will happen soon, when the time is right. And we've seen each other's photos.

Without any hint of teasing (it's no strip tease!), we're getting naked and real with each other in text, getting to know one another soulfully in text. She lives so far away! What else can we do?

I just wanted some of that metaphorical nakedness to spill over into this forum, 'cause (a) this is where we met and (b) I owe it to y'all, since you've watched me simultaniously reveal my innermost self AND wear wonderful, well-crafted, delectible masks.

How it feels -- and what madness it is! -- ... I wake up before dawn and the dim silver of pre-dawn gently caresses an awakening heart, a dimention of heart largely unknown as feeling-it-directly.

I get a message from her about her grief over the end of her marriage and I immediately go into spasming sobs and a rainbow of tears. For I cannot have distance with her. Distinction, yes. Autonomy, yes. Otherness, alterity, yes (check), but the empathy over her words of grief was a direct line, or no line at all -- just the solid certainty that I am with her in it, directly. Not caught in it, but grieving with her, because I -- the madness -- ... because I love her so.

Hearts like diamonds, like diamonds strung across an infinite sky.
bi, partnered, available

River's Blog
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