Beauty of the self-preserving entity
This is not my usual post. This post is a look into my love for Redpepper and the importance of our connection. People often wonder how our natures can co-exist in a healthy relationship. Our differences are immense in some areas but our love is equal and feeds of the work required to keep us together. This post is the result of a very emotional talk we had today. She felt me pulling back. I often do this when she experiences excitement in new friendships or if I focus on her nights with anyone other than her husband. The compersion I have for the relationship with her husband is total and unforced. It is natural but does not extend to anyone else. And so we began our conversation, tears and realizations.
If I repeat myself from other posts and this annoys you, simply stop reading; this post is for me as much as anyone else.
The level of trust I have in Redpepper is total and without equal to any one person in the world. She knows my collective experiences and secrets. No one person has her insight into who I am or what has made me the person I am today.
My love for her was immediate, passionate and proof to me that we have loved before and will love again. My love for her has in fact transcended any I have felt before and is beyond the need for a specific expression. We have a romantic, intimate relationship… this is without question and again beyond any I would have imagined.
The connection between us continues to stagger us and I have full belief that we are one being working towards re-uniting through many lives.
This connection is the most important thing to me. It is not sex, romance, or being her “lover”. It is that feeling that our heart and souls are joined and simply that she is in the world.
I have come to realize that there is something inside me that is primal, subconscious and aware. It is an energy that seeks her own and will do whatever it takes to stay connected to what it has finally found again.
What does this mean to me? This means that my love for her will be shaped in the closest way possible with only one requirement; that I remain healthy in the manner I express it. Right now we express our love as “lovers”. Passion and sex is our pinnacle of communication in sharing that connection. During those moments we feel complete and the aching that reside inside us both stops. We are both healthy in this. I am healthy in this.
My love is beyond the need to express it in a specific way. I know it could be reshaped in many ways to remain connected. Perhaps friendship, perhaps merely knowing she is in the world. The entity inside me, which is a part of the entity in her, will ensure that this happens. It will take care of keeping me healthy in our connection. It will not allow me to express my love in a way that hurts my phsyci. I trust in this to guide me beyond where my emotional thoughts might leave me if unchecked and ignored….broken, depressed and resentful of her.
If sex and passion can no longer be the healthy way for me to communicate and remain connected than that will change. I accept that and take great comfort in knowing I will get to share in her life still. If sex and passion remain the pinnacle of our expression, that is great as well and is definitely my preferred state of love.
It is the trust in this entity and it’s following of destiny that lets me acknowledge possibilities of change but still move forward within our relationship. I intend to be in her life forever. I would love to express it as we do now. I know I will always express it in a way that is healthy to me.
Whatever happens in our future will be a product of our natures and our destiny. I have faith that our path will always be the right one.
Redpepper finds sadness in this in a lot of ways..I find acceptance, freedom and peace.
I love her with everything I have.
Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes
Poly Events All Over
Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 10-09-2009 at 05:12 AM.