This kind of coincides with thoughts I've been throwing around about my fears about my partner having attractions and my own feelings. For me I seem to want to make everything about commitment. That's the big one for me. Attractions or love on it's own... Not so scary. But we have been taught that if these things don't come with commitment then they aren't really what we think they are. If so.. Then why would we vunerable over something that is smoke and mirrors. Why wouldn't we be afraid if everyone our significant other likes/admires/wants to fuck/ loves are going to be joining us on our death bed. I struggle visualizing anyone I feel a connection to leaving my life. The very thought seems unbearable. Trying to add my feelings plus his feelings and the fact that he or I may feel strongly opposed to the commitment that "must" come from those feeling, plus trying to align lives to fit this mold and all the juggling and sacrificing to get all our asses in that mold... It's down right exhausting.
So right now I am working on breaking love=life parnter. I've never casualy dated. It was always a relationship. I have had one night stands, but even with that I tried to sugar coat it and make it seem that I had feelings and wanted a relationship even when I didn't. Now I realize this is because I have this mindset that all things that equal love also should equal commitment.