(NOTE: I'm officially dubbing OG "Knight" in my blog. It suits his persona, and is much more flattering than "OG". I'm going to call DF "Romeo", which is an alteration of his middle name and sounds romantic and cute. )
I don't know what's making this go so smoothly, but please, for the love of whatever is holy out there, let this continue!
Romeo and I have continued talking (and talking) about this thing. We've addressed the assumption about postponing the marriage, and it was not something he was adamant about, it was just an assumption. We've still not set a date for a wedding, but we're not intentionally postponing one, either. If by the time we do get around to wedding planning(we're abysmally lazy and procrastinate like crazy), we're seriously involved in other relationship(s), our marriage will include those other relationships. We're most likely going to cut the "forsaking all others" bit out of our vows, or say them with a wink
On the Knight front... Gosh, I can't really separate the Knight thing from the Romeo thing. Let me just tell you all about yesterday and today.
Yesterday was Romeo's day off, and also my therapy appointment. Let's start with the therapy appointment. My poor therapist. LOL. Every time I come up with a potentially life-changing topic, of the sort that usually must be tiptoed around carefullly and examined from all sides, I end up bulldozing my way through it on my own from one week to the next, with great success. Same thing happened when I brought up reinstating contact with my father, who had been cut out of my life for 8 years until just recently, but I digress. So last week I had told my therapist about my attraction to Knight, and briefly mentioned poly. I had verbalized some apprehension about the potential for Romeo being intimate and loving with another woman. This week, I told her that Romeo and I have decided to give poly a try, and that I'm going ahead and pursuing the Knight thing, and that Romeo and I are going to maintain WIDE open lines of communication throughout this whole thing. She was definitely accepting, but a little confused as to what it was I was talking about. At first she thought I meant opening our relationship to sex with other people, not love. Once she realized I meant actual loving relationships in addition to my relationship with Romeo, she sort of understood, but still didn't seem to think of the other relationships as being "full" relationships. All the same, though. She was accepting, but baffled.
I really don't need to be in therapy, I don't think. We've mentioned more than once that it's probably more a security blanket for me than anything else. I intellectualize and analyze everything to an almost absurd degree. I really like having the validation, I guess. It's not really that I need help figuring things out or processing my feelings, it's just a sounding board where I can get another perspective and sort of double check that I'm not nuts.
We talked (as we end up doing often) about whether to continue our sessions, and I decided that since starting this poly journey is likely to be something like inviting a roller coaster into my life, it's probably a good idea to hang onto my therapy sessions for the time being.
The rest of the evening, I spent time with Romeo. We went to dinner, talked and had great sex (that's been happening more often lately than usual). He asked me if I wanted to go spend the night with Knight. I asked if he was sure that was OK, and he said yeah, it was fine, he'd planned on staying up late playing Star Trek Online (S.T.O.) with the male half of our roommates anyway. I told him I'd keep my phone on loud, and made him promise that if he decided he was too uncomfortable with things or if he started hurting or anything, to call me and I'd come right home.
So... I texted Knight with my usual message, "poke". I waited. And waited. And waited! Torture, I tell you. He finally text me back when he got out of work around 11pm, and I asked if he felt like company. He said sure. I washed my face, put on my night cream, brushed my teeth, braided my hair (my usual bedtime routine), kissed Romeo goodbye, and headed over. We watched "The Jacket" together, all snuggled up. By the time the movie ended, it was really late. We stayed snuggled up for a little while, and I took my glasses off and started to doze off. After a few minutes he asked "... So, does this mean you're sleeping here?" I replied "If that's OK with you".
He said of course. We settled down, cuddled up, and went to sleep.
It took me a little longer than usual to actually fall asleep. He held me close, and I was just absorbing it all. OMG holy crap, I'm sleeping in Knight's bed. Romeo is at home, he knows I'm here, and he's
actually OK with that.
I did finally get to sleep, though. And, I'll have you know, we were just sleeping together, not having sex or even making out or anything. Just.... cuddling. It was great!
In the morning, I woke up early, at about 7:30 am. Not usual for a Saturday morning. I poked and pestered Knight to wake up, and we goofed around a little (poking or pinching or tickling) and then I checked my phone. Romeo had just text me a few minutes before I woke up, and asked about breakfast. I text him back and asked what he wanted for breakfast, we settled on our favorite restaurant, and I asked him if I could bring company. He said company was fine. So... the three of us went to breakfast together!
There wasn't any strange tension or anything between Knight and Romeo. They know each other, haven't been particularly close, but they've generally always gotten along and joked around and shared a similar sense of humor. This morning was no different, they joked around a little and generally just kept things light and easy. Breakfast went great, and as I was driving back, I assumed I was taking Knight back to his apartment so I could spend some time with Romeo. As I passed the intersection leading back to Romeo's and my apartment, Romeo asked "wait, aren't you going back to the apartment?", so I turned around and went back to the apartment. We all hung around for most of the day. Romeo played his video games, I did some laundry, Knight switched back and forth between offering a running commentary on Romeo's video games and surfing the internet.
I think my roommates raised an eyebrow at seeing Knight here so early... I'm not sure if they know I spent the night over there or not.
Romeo and I would just as soon not tell them anything just yet, so... We didn't say anything, they didn't ask.
Later on, Knight and I went to the grocery store to get lunch fixings, and Knight fixed some sandwiches for all of us. Basically, it was a really good day. Every now and then, if I had a moment alone with Romeo, I'd ask him really quick "How are you doing, A Cutie, is everything OK?" (My pet name for him is a Cutie. Don't ask me why it's "A" Cutie instead of just Cutie. No clue, it just is.
) And he'd reassure me that everything was fine.
It was a really great day! I spent time with Romeo AND Knight, at my apartment, with no weird tension, AND I got a bunch of laundry done.
Knight had to go to work at 5:30, though, so I took him home to get ready at around 3:45. (Knight doesn't have a car, don't know if I've mentioned that before). We ended up with time to spare, so we snuggled up some more in the meantime. He rents a room in a house, and one of his best friends rents another room in the house, so he's technically a neighbor, but I'm just going to call him his roommate to keep things simple. His roommate drops by at random all the time, and has been utterly convinced for the past couple of weeks that Knight and I have been fucking. Today, I guess I just couldn't wipe the silly smile off my face, and he must have figured it was the sex kind of silly smile. He said something like "Oooh, girl you've been bad
, it's written all over your face". LOL. If only he knew.
On the way to Knight's job, I talked to him a bit about our...
Well, I'd mentioned at some point that our cuddling and such was a breeding ground for attractions to grow, sexual or romantic. I mentioned that again, and reiterated that Romeo was OK with things, and that I had no intention of hiding anything from Romeo. I said that there was a certain "forbidden fruit" factor to my attraction to him before I'd opened up to Romeo about it, and that I wanted to be sure to remove the forbidden fruit factor from the equation so that anything that might develop would not be based on anything questionable. There's more to it than that, we had spoken yesterday online a little about the whole attraction thing and a potential issue he might have with it, but bottom line is there is an open line of dialogue between us about it now. And it seems very healthy to me. He expressed appreciation for my sincerity and openness, and said that it was a rare thing. He also doesn't like secretive situations.
So... Knight and I aren't officially "together" or anything, I'm hoping we can take it pretty slow in the physical sense. One thing I've noticed since opening up to Romeo about Knight is that the sexual tension has... not died off, not gone away, per se, but it's lessened, and it feels less urgent and nagging. Now when I snuggle close to Knight, it's happy and peaceful instead of "ooh, is this wrong? Should I not be doing this? Hmm, the possibly naughtiness of it is kinda turning me on..." I'm not sure what that means. There's definitely still physical chemistry, though. Plenty of it. It's just not so pressing that I'm fighting myself to keep from jumping him and making out or anything. I'd rather enjoy things as they happen, as slowly and teasingly as they happen. I hope they happen.
I think this is going well! Squee!