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Old 06-12-2011, 02:03 AM
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MariusdeRomanus MariusdeRomanus is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 50
Default Raise Your Glass

I'm not gonna lie, that title came from P!NK. Sometimes my music gets a little homo, I suppose I shouldn't be so ashamed of that. I am, after all, a little homo. Oh, but my jokes have not gotten any better. Well, at least my situation has! I haven't posted here in a long time, I thought I might've been done with it. To be honest, I thought maybe Ariel might keep watching this for some odd reason. I wondered if I should keep posting here and lurking like I do when I've also found myself fetlife, and realized how many things I didn't know about, and so many more that I'm surprisingly into. Then I remembered I don't care, and I'm over all that-- of course at that point, I forgot all about it.

Company and I moved to Ohio, and it turned out to be a very good mood. One of my New Year's Resolutions was to have a job by June, and I made that happen sooner. I got a stable job within a month of being here, paid off all our debt, bought our first bed together... We were legally married before we left, and though everyone says that the first year is the roughest, I don't think we count. We've been married in our hearts for so long, it was really just paperwork. Of course there were a few fights, but nothing too extraordinary.

I was none to happy to leave, though, I tell you that. California means everything to me, and I feel so... unreal here. I try not to let it get to me, but it's like I'm living in empty space. Nothing seems to have much meaning outside my house, it's as if the whole world is on hold until I return home. Some would say I'm being melodramatic, but Ohio just doesn't feel like home. It's very "temporary" feeling. I actually hope so, because we really want to be with our metamours again soon.

There are ups to these downs, too, however. Selene, and most especially Andulvar, need this time in different ways. Selene wishes to have a very sentimental/romantic attachment with Company, and I don't think they were very able to achieve that in person. Andulvar is still very protective, and I think he needs to watch this grow in a way that, for his mind, is safer. Not by much, since he still gets titchy, but at least it's handled better than if we were handling it in one room.

Ah, Andulvar. Now that I'm not physically near him, I feel less awkward. The change is minimal at best. I'm a shy person by nature, I hate meeting new people. I love them once I've met them, I grow so attached it's as if I want to be their Siamese twin... But I don't handle myself well with Andulvar. One moment, I have an intense desire to be with him in a lot of different ways, but then the next... I'm not sure what I want. He seems to switch from two different relationships in my mind, where one is lover and the other brother. I write a lot of letters to him trying to explain this, but they never get mailed.

I write letters to a lot of people that never get mailed, and I haven't figured out if that was because I don't have stamps (and later on, have stamps but no envelopes), or because I'm afraid of their reaction. For the longest time I tried to tell Selene that I really want to have a very sexual relationship with her, but that I'm also not that fond of vagina. She might end up saying it's okay, but I'm not sure I think it's okay. But what do I do to overcome this? Cover it in chocolate, just dive in? Hell if I know. I actually am not sure if I did tell her about this or not, but again, I'm afraid of the reaction.

I hate letting people down, most especially myself.

Well, now I'm going to play WoW with Thunder and see what his sage advice is... Raise your glass for me and my sucky new job.
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"Love as thou wilt."

Company is my husband. I'm dating Selene, Ariel, Vegeta, Thunder, and Andulvar.
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