Thread: Coming out
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Old 06-11-2011, 08:39 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,443

I'm staying with a friend of almost 15 years and she doesn't know I'm poly. It's very weird because we never really talk about relationships. She knows I was with Seamus before I left Raga, I think, but she never really asked or wondered. I know she doesn't think I cheated on Raga, but she probably thought the relationship was already over or something.

I don't know if I should actively tell her about it. It's hard to bring up because we don't talk about relationships. She knows I'm separated with Raga because that's the reason why I needed a place to stay. She knows I'm with Seamus because I talk to him on Skype. That's pretty much it, she never asked anything about the breakup or separation with Raga or what went wrong or anything, she never asked how I met Seamus or checked the exact date, she just knows when I left Canada I spent 3 months in the US before going to France and living with her.

I do want her to know I'm poly, but I don't really know how to. I don't think blurting it out out of context would make much sense. And I don't even know most of the vocabulary in French anyways to explain things to her. (Well that much isn't a big deal, I can check easily).
I'm also not actively looking for someone, or being out enough that it would come up, for instance if she saw me flirting and ask "what about Seamus?" then I could explain, but that's unlikely to ever happen so...

At that point, is it better to just wait, not actively hide it, and say it if it comes up? Or should I try and go out of my way to let her know?

To give an example, I know she's bisexual, but we never actively talked about it. I told her one of our friends was bisexual (she wrote me an email while we were staying together between 5 and 10 years ago, coming out to me and asking me to tell S, my roommate) and S's answer was "ah, her too" and it's hard to explain but it was obvious it meant she was as well, and that was that, we didn't talk more about it.
Then there was a comment in 2004 or 2005 or so when a guy said he could detect non-straight people (saying he had a gaydar or something I guess) and she said to me "I wanted to clear my throat and say 'I'm right here'", but you know, it's something we never talk about because it's like, okay, so what?

I figure my being poly might be along the same lines, so I don't want to make a big deal out of it by coming out instead of just implying it, but it's a bit hard to imply it in normal conversation I guess. And she's a very good friend of mine so I don't want to hide it from her either.
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