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Old 06-11-2011, 07:58 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by idrider47 View Post
I have been paying a lot of attention to the issues that come up and how people handle them. I have seen a lot of worry and jealousy over sharing a partner, and the huge fear that they will meet someone more interesting and leave the marriage or primary relationship. I've seen a lot of times the response is that, when done properly, a poly relationship actually makes spouses feel closer than they were before.

Do any of you have experiences you'd be willing to share where it happened that a strong relationship was opened with both parties on board for poly relationships, and it actually did happen where one of the partners found someone they were more attracted to where they ended up disolving the marriage over it?
I think the way you are looking at it is a bit skewed. If someone leaves a relationship, it would be for more reasons and flaws in the relationship itself, I believe. Your ideas that: there would be more attraction for one and less attraction for another which then threatens a relationship; finding someone more interesting than a current partner would be a reason to leave; or that a partner can be "shared" (implying ownership); all indicate a very monogamous mindset. Sure, all of these are possibilities (but not owning someone), but I would hazard a guess that most people who are comfortable with polyamory enjoy the variety.

That's kind of the whole point!

If you have certain interests that one partner doesn't share you can enjoy them with someone else -- but that doesn't take away from what is there with the others partner(s). One can have lots of different kinds of relationship dynamics with different kinds of people and different levels of physical/intellectual/emotional attraction for each of them - yet accept and enjoy them all for who they are, rather than comparing and saying, "which is better?" That is so mono to boil it down to something that implies a choice must be made. Poly is a wonderful opportunity to experience a smorgasbord of people and relationships!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 06-11-2011 at 10:52 PM.
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