Having attractions to others is a human trait. We see people and respond. It isn't always sexual attraction, but sometimes it is no more than a simple thought like, "Wow, she's really pretty" or "I bet I could be friends with that person." It doesn't matter if one is mono or poly. Those attractions come out of the same natural judgments we make about people in general, like those times when you know you should cross the street because the person heading your way seems unbalanced or dangerous. Human instinct, pheromones, sensitivity to someone's energies, all come into play.
Perhaps you think it is odd to verbalize those attractions now that you're committed to being mono, but my partners and I have pretty much always felt free to do that in all my mono relationships -- except for my teenage years when my bf was a very jealous type. I don't think it's a sign of anything, other than comfort, security, and maturity to be able to freely express what comes naturally. As for flirtations, most times that can be innocent and fun, but other times the people we love do that specifically to piss us off or make us jealous. So, you just need to be in tune with what is and communicate when you have a question.
It does sound like you are wrestling with a bit of insecurity and I wonder if that neighbor of yours has put a whammy on you. If you feel it most when she's around, I can safely say you are just picking up on her insecurity which she covers over with bravado. Because when we are around people who are truly secure and confident in themselves, we feel a sense of ease or our own confidence to be with them. Confident people don't need others around them to feel "less than." When we walk away comparing ourselves and coming up short, it just means that their confidence is fake and they put the whammy on us.
Last edited by nycindie; 06-11-2011 at 07:48 PM.