Iíve got a few questions (see my Introduction post and ďBaby SteppiníĒ thread in the Life Stories and Blogs section for more background on my/our situation):
1. I had originally thought that Iíd prefer to get involved with a single man who didnít necessarily define himself as poly. My logic was this, single guys (with no intensions or desire for marriage) would probably be more than happy to have a gf thatís happily married and entrenched in her life. He could spend time with me but still have his full life without the fear of being ďtied downĒ. Iíd make it clear that he could, and Iíd encourage this, have other girlfriends and sexual relationships. This would allow me to have a buffer against dependency. I guess I was thinking kind of a FWB although a bit deeper.
The problem with this is that I am a student and I have a small circle of friends. I imagined that I would get involved with another student because they are the people I associate with regularly and because they would understand my limited availability. BUT, I am afraid (thereís that word again) that if I approached one of them and told them about this poly thing they may flip out and spread it around. My reputation is extremely important to me and I am closely associated with some of my professors who I hope to do research with and be seen as a competent and professional. Itís a small department and we all see each other very often; it would be hard to cover up a relationship and if it went badly it has the potential to go very badly. The ripple affect could destroy what Iíve carefully crafted for myself.
So, for those of you who have some experience, what are your thoughts and what do you recommend- trying to find a poly person or a someone as described above, or a third option that I canít see? What red flags fly when you read this? Thanks much!
2. Rider and I have talked about trying to sync up our first poly experiences with one another so that neither one of us has to sit at home suffering while the other goes out those and experiences all of those ďfirstsĒ. I really like this idea in theory. Iím wondering if it may be a bad idea though because if both of us are in NRE at the same time and/or struggling with negative reactions about each otherís experiences donít we run the risk of actually pulling apart? Also, we have teenagers and one of them is very intuitive. Iím concerned that that child will clue into the drama and time spent away and that it will make them very uneasy. Rider can correct me here if he disagrees but I think I speak for both of us when I say that his and my relationship is our priority and our children are our second. How have others handled this and how has it worked out?
married, heterosexual female currently in a newly opened relationship; married to IDRider47
"Courage is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm" Winston Churchill
"A ship in the harbor is safe. But that's not what ships are made for" William Shedd