Much of what RedPepper says on these forums grates wth me - which is to say, I appreciate and respect everything she posts, and largely agree, but there's something in our POV's that is just different enough that her presentation always rankles me, lol. I say that to qualify the fact that in this instance, I am just about 100% behind her post.
Look - what you have is an amazing opportunity - IF IT'S REAL. And it CAN be if the feelings are there, lasting, and real. But there are SO many red flags here... So many things that scream "deal with me first or this goes up in flames"... And as easy and tempting as it is to jump in and work it through on the fly as it were - DON'T.
Violet and I have been down a similar road twice. Both have worked out well (one is now a lifelong friend with whom the relationship never quite happened, the other we are in the begining stages of a very wonderful relationship), but both required a LOT of work. I literally haven't had a full nights sleep in over 6 weeks. And that's not innuendo, that's hours and hours of talking things through and working things out and evaluating and WORKING at it, EVERY DAY, almost every spare minute it seems and it's exhausting. But we keep our eyes on teh ball, enjoy the unbelievably wonderful good times that are there in between and more often all the time, and look forward to when we have it all straightened out and are enjoying a wonderful, fulfilling relationship with "normal" issues to work through. We're almost there.
PLEASE be willing to put forth the effort. It will be worth it in the end, whatever the result.