Excellent thread guys. Some really insightful discussion.
This is the crux of it for me: quoting Overthinker
"There have been some stressful things about our situation and I think if he found out that I had been snooping I think he would just throw in the towel and say he is just done with the relationships; which is something I don't want to have happen."
...like I said "tip of the iceberg" and Grounded Spirit (such wisdom) expanded.
OT has a very precariously balanced relationship that only seems to be able to function if her husband is allowed to lie and not be challenged over it for fear of the ramifications.
I would go as far as to say that you shouldn't be in a relationship under these conditions. I loved the way Sour Girl and Neon put it. What's really important here: that someone who isn't trust worthy is allowed his privacy or that a party in a committed relationship feels safe, loved and important enough to be honest about what she has done and how she feels without the relationship ending?