View Single Post
Old 06-10-2011, 06:59 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

I agree with LR those who are able to move on, forgive and have that much strength are indeed better off.

I don't think that one should just simply let it all go though. As LR touched on, there is a purpose to holding on to anger, hurt and pain over cheating for a time, sometimes always, even just a bit. It protects and keeps a person safe. There is nothing wrong with that.

I have noticed that the most successful of those who get over cheating are those who have held that for as long as need be and then found it doesn't serve them any more and let go.

While its a good reminder to people who come here that they can eventually let it go, at least most of it, I don't think it serves to blow them off and not validate the HUGE pain that can come from cheating. I don't think blowing them off adds anything to their process of healing. Being patient with their process and allowing them to know that they might just be dealing with this for the rest of their life, I think, makes them realize that, shit, I don't want to deal with this for one day more, let alone forever; what shall I do about it.... it can have the effect of creating a catalyst to let go, where that might not exist if they are told to just let it go... does that make sense?

To me its like telling someone who is mono to just let their poly partner do whatever they want and to just let them go... it all takes time and work to get there. Doing that to early can have disastrous results I think, and cause MORE harm than good. To me the journey is the thing, not the end result.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote