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Old 06-10-2011, 06:18 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

I think you have a valid point GS. It's a topic that is strongly addressed in the last half of the last book by Jean Auel. It's also something that I've considered. Because, I was cheated on, by my oldest daughters father. Repeatedly, painfully and ultimately got an incurable STD out of it. I was 14 when we started dating.
After growing up, it was just obvious to me that he needed something I wasn't prepared to give. The details don't matter, what matters is, that it didn't mean he didn't care; I know he did, he still does and so do I. It was SIMPLE-he had needs, I couldn't meet them and he found a way to get them met.

Lots of things could have been done different, but it is what it is and there isn't any healthy purpose in holding animosity over it.

What I've noticed is, people who hold tight to that "you fucked me over" attitude, are ALSO holding on to being miserable and creating a blackhole vacuum of pain and misery that no one else wants to be around.

The ones who let it go and move on-find happiness, joy and love.

We ALL hurt someone at some point, to make one type of pain "more important" than another, sets us up for more problems. The truth is-that it hurts when we don't expect something and it slams into our insecurities of not being good enough, not being loved etc. If we want that pain to stop, then we need to stop associating the action with our insecurity. They don't necessarily pertain to each other anyway!

I cheated on Maca. There's a lot of things I could have done differently-I do them differently now. It was NEVER about not loving him. It was about loving myself too. It was about fulfilling my needs. I didn't KNOW how to do it right. Just like parenting-we learn as we go, hopefully we improve as we go.

BUT, if we don't give each other grace to make mistakes, learn from them and then move on..... well, we don't get to experience the improved upon relationship that comes after a lesson is learned.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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