Relationships are an investment. So often I hear people who think they are to be consumed, as if they are buying a new toy... once the toy has been played with they find another, shelve the old one and sometimes get it out later. I see this happen with people around sex quite often.
I don't do that. I think that is my problem. Or perhaps the difference I have between others and myself. Every single fucking relationship I have I invest EVERYTHING into. It might not appear so, but I do. It makes for successful relationships if the person I do this with does the same... that I am happy about.
When I find that I am a toy to someone else I get confused and hurt. I find it hard to just lighten up and laugh that off. I wish I could, but it has been a life long journey of not being able to and the more time goes on the less I trust anyone right from the beginning of meeting them.
I think I need to practice not allowing people to penetrate my heart so quickly. I think I need a thicker skin. The veil between my heart and their way of being is so thin for so many I am constantly being hurt by others... its exhausting and debilitating.