This is all so very familiar. I was pretty much were you are now last March. Here's a link to my journey. I'm not sure how much it will help, but it might be nice not to feel so alone. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2344
It's hard not to have that physical reassurance that everything is going to be ok when your spouse is in NRE with someone (especially if it is the first time) and they are far away from you. All the feelings you're having about everything happening too fast and not being able to catch up will pass with time.