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Old 06-10-2011, 05:59 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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My marriage was never perfect but one thing we always gave each other was privacy. Even if I told my hubs to go into my handbag to get something out of it, he would bring it to me instead because he didn't feel comfortable looking inside, even with my permission. He still has boxes of stuff here, which I know are old photographs, letters, and whatnot (only because I've seen him go through them), but I haven't ever snooped.

If I had issues with something or suspected him of anything (which actually rarely happened after the first year), I would ask him what was going on. The only thing he ever hid from me, quite well I might add, was the depth of his unhappiness in the last two years of our marriage. And I think I must've known because I would think about asking to talk to him and then stopped myself, I guess so I wouldn't have to hear the painful truth.

But I know he was trustworthy in so many ways, a stand-up guy, and therefore I also totally trust that he never cheated on me or did anything dastardly. I know in my heart there was never any reason to distrust him. We communicated pretty well until the end, and my point is just that there was never any need to snoop in over ten years because trust goes a long way. I think a lot of that went hand in hand with giving each other privacy and space.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 06-10-2011 at 06:13 AM.
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