Okay, so a little more mental work done today.
I realized one thing about myself today and one thing about what's going on with me lately. Hubs and I had discussed that he tends to be self-centered in that he pushes for the most he can get all of the time and he doesn't like to not be able to do what he wants (i.e. having to change what he wants due to me). Not that he won't do it, but he doesn't like it and part of our issue the other night was his reaction to me asking for a weekend off. I told him he doesn't have to act all rosy about it, but I need to be able to ask for what I need and not feel like I'm ruining things. Anyway, in thinking about him being kind of selfish (and knowing I need him to be a LITTLE less selfish and more considerate of my feelings), I realized that I am the exact opposite in a REALLY unhealthy way. As in, I think more about other people's feelings than my own and try to make them happy to the point where I don't take care of myself and sacrifice things I probably shouldn't. This extreme isn't healthy either.
I'm sure I'll discuss it with my therapist but mainly I just realized I need to start doing more self-care, and being firm with my boundaries, asking for the things I need and that's OK to do!! Hubs might push to get things he wants, but I am a big girl and I CAN say no, and that's fine too. These are concepts I need to work on for sure. Because right now I feel like I'm giving everybody what they want and making sure they're happy and in doing so I am not getting what I want/need.
I told hubs we need to meet closer to the middle, he and I.
And the thing I realized about my situation is... my class this month in school is emotionally draining the life out of me. It's a class in Relational Violence, so we're discussing Child abuse, molestation, rape, domestic abuse, elder abuse. Yay! :-( So twice a week it's five hours of horrible material and it's just sapping my emotional/mental strength, leaving me a lot less than my usual amount to deal with our relationship stuff. I know, I should have realized this, but duh! Anyway, I have this weekend to regroup and chill out and not do as much thinking, and the class is over in two weeks.
I like emotional/mental growth, but for goodness sakes it's exhausting and I need a break!!