To begin with, our marriage was actually at one of the best places it could be when we all started this and it has strengthened since. We've been married almost 12 years and together for 17. Even taking in consideration what this post is is all about, our communication and openness is the best it has ever been and we feel that we can be more of who we truly are with each other. Since this is all still fairly new we do continually have to work on jealously issues from time to time as well as all the other things that come with poly such as time management issues, etc.
I know I shouldn't snoop but I did and I can't take it back. There have been several triggers over the past couple months that make me think that he and his gf haven't been following some boundaries and I have found some of my suspicions to be true. Simple things such as she calling my husband while she was on vacation out of state with her husband and family even though her husband specifically asked her not too. I know that there are underlying issues and I've really had a hard time trusting her and of course she influences my husband in their relationship and it just trickles down. My husband's gf doesn't work in the summer so she now has a lot of time on her hands. The other three of us work during the day but my husband's schedule is pretty flexible. Needless to say this happened the first day she was off. I have really tried to let their relationship take it where ever they want it to go and strive for compersion but I have to admit I have good days and bad days.
I don't know what triggered me to look today but it was just a feeling. I try to respect his privacy but sometimes I feel that he is just hiding things from me. I have told him at any time that he can grab my cell phone and go through it because I have nothing to hide from him. But he refuses me to look at anything he may be sending or receiving. It just makes me very curious what he is hiding. He can be so honest most of the time and with all of this there is no reason to hide any thing.
As for sending pics and what not, I am aware of what the consequences could be. We try not to make it a habit and everything is done by cell. But sometimes its a way to stay connected and keep things fun
Thanks again for all the input.