Thread: New and Scared
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Old 06-09-2011, 02:20 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by Bangel View Post
My biggest issue is with the physical, just thinking of them touching each other gives me anxiety. This is the one thing they have both said they would like. To be able to show affection towards each other, all the way to sex if they so choose. I wish I did not have such feeling of fear and jealousy. How do you get past this? Thank you for sharing your story with me every little bit helps and I seem to take something away from all of you in this.
First of all, I must say it is refreshing to read that you would rather your wife have an emotional connection than anything else. It has become a pet peeve of mine when I see so many husbands "pimping out" their wives, so to speak, but freak out when feelings develop. Human beings have feelings, and intimacy is so much more than the physical. Anyway, back to you...

Regarding the quote I included above, I don't know if this will help you, but maybe it will. I have come to learn that things have meaning to us when we give them meaning. Sex, in and of itself, doesn't mean anything, unless we tell ourselves it does. So, if we believe that it proves our partner loves us if they only have sex with us, or something like that, we have attached meaning to a physical act. A belief is just a belief and sex is just a physical activity. So, it helps to look at those beliefs and the meanings we give things and see if we can reframe them or make adjustments in our views.

Now, I think that when two people get together and share themselves sexually, it can be just some physical fun or it can be a way to connect emotionally and solidify a relationship. Either way, I've always considered sex as a form of communication.

That's right, it's simply a way to communicate. It is two (or more - ha!) people coming together and expressing themselves through their bodies and touch. It is an interaction through which we can get to know someone else on a level that doesn't need intellectualizing or verbal language. Just another way to connect with someone. Sometimes there is more of an emotional connection, and other times, it's more physical. Remember, sex doesn't have meaning beyond what we will ascribe to it.

Does that help in any way?
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