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Old 06-09-2011, 12:51 PM
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vixtresses vixtresses is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: South Florida
Posts: 108

OK, so latest and greatest:

Not a whole heck of a lot is new. DF and I talked a bit about the improbability of our being able to somehow coordinate both of us finding additional love interests at the same time. So far, I'm still on hold as far as OG (still working on another nickname for this guy... I really suck at naming things! It took me like two months to name my cat!) goes. DF is still doing OK as far as feelings and stuff. I asked if he had any specific fears or uneasiness about this whole thing, and emphasized that it's completely OK and I want to know if there are any. So far, though, nothing. :shrug:

I think it's got something to do with the fact that I've been making sure to pay extra attention to him since I brought up this whole thing. I mentioned that to him and said that it is probably not going to stay that way by default, that if I get sidetracked and distracted he needs to let me know if he needs me. He agreed to do that, and told me that as of right now, he's very happy with the amount of time we're spending together and the level of communication.

Another point I brought up was that while I understand that he needs time to process this whole thing, since it's one of those Major Life Change or Paradigm Shift type of things, I was probably going to get antsy about staying "on hold" about the whole OG thing. I don't even know if the OG thing is going to go anywhere, but staying on hold is likely to get old. I'm trying to give DF plenty of space and time and TLC and such in the meantime, though.

So far, this seems smooth. I know it's not going to stay this way, but I hope it stays as smooth as it reasonably can. I guess part of what helps is that DF was already reaching a point on his own where he was fantasizing about being with other people, so he's not in a place right now where he feels staunchly mono. I know that doesn't necessarily mean he is naturally inclined to be poly, or that he's not going to have any jealousy type issues later on, but I think it helps for the moment, if that makes any sense.

Last night I went to OG's place for a massage (this is part of the "on-hold", maintaining the status quo agreement w/DF. Massages were already a part of my friendship with OG). I went home first to shower with DF and make sure that he wasn't having doubts about me spending time with OG now that my attraction to him is in the open. So far, so good.

At OG's place, even though we're not DOING anything different than before, I still noticed I was much more at ease talking to him than I was before DF and I discussed poly. I was more talkative (much like I was before I realized, no, admitted to myself that I was attracted to him), a bit more giggly, and generally more at ease. I think I had started to get awkward recently, sort of questioning every little thing I did or said to try and make sure I wasn't anywhere near cheating on DF. It's definitely a better feeling now that everything's out in the open with DF.

On another note, I was totally checking out a cute guy in class yesterday. I think he caught me. We ran into each other in the hallway outside of the classroom and did one of those awkward little dances where each tries to get out of the other's way and both end up just stepping side to side together instead. He smiled at me. I'm sure I blushed. Busted!

ETA: Oh! And OMG, my back feels so much better today. I had the most ridiculous knots all over the place from stressing out too much about a stupid group project. It's a little sore now where there was one particularly stubborn knot, but at least I can twist at the waist without hurting now. OG needs to become a professional masseuse already. It's clearly his true calling.

Last edited by vixtresses; 06-09-2011 at 05:37 PM.
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