Originally Posted by PickMoreDaisies
-how can we possibly have a "normal" relationship when it is all so secret
-he doesn't understand how CLP can be OK with any of it
-he can't figure out how he ended up in this complicated situation and just wants it to be "easier"
-he can't even tell his good friend about what is going on because he feels that he will judge him
-he doesn't want anyone to get hurt in the end
The word normal is a tricky one....normal is established by social norms primarily..He's right..it won't be normal but that doesn't mean it can't be healthy and good.
Once he truly understands that your primary partner is ok with it a huge weight will be lifted. In order to do this I suggest spending time together as a group in social atmospheres, a drink at a pub, dancing, tea at home, whatever.
"Complicated situation"...it gets more complicated usually. But if you push through the work and figure out how to create a mutually beneficial relationship based on true love the rewards can be immense.
EXTERNAL PRESSURES!! - This is one of the biggest issues for a guy IMO. Straight mono guys generally hang with other straight mono guys. They can be very critical of a guy having a girlfriend who knowingly has sex with other men. I get this first hand. "Are you not man enough?" will be the big dig he might face. You can't answer..."well no I'm not" and hope to explain that one. For me it is the judging of the woman I love more than any attack on my own masculinity. People really have a hard time with a woman having multiple partners....I generally am ok with mentioning her husband but don't mention other partners because the assumptions are swift and direct at least initially.
There is a certain embarrassment that is imposed by the looks of others....that will be one of his biggest hurdles unless he wants to live in the shadows of your primary relationship. As I said before...I lost almost all of my old friends and am trying not to lose a family very close to me.
Secrecy - having to hide your love of someone is not a good feeling. That is why I came out early to my parents. That is why I am also feeling the brunt of being somewhat of a home wrecker and general cheating prick in the eyes of those that don't understand us. It takes a lot of love to stand up and take that on and is not something I think should be done lightly. It is not a fair expectation for most. If you are proud of your love you should be able to come out about it...this goes both ways.
Are you prepared to stand by him and support him in that so he can enjoy open love for you if he wants?
There is a lot to consider. I hope you all find what you want in this.