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Old 06-08-2011, 06:24 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Hi Cranberry,

Sorry to hear you're living through some difficult times. Believe that it will get better !

I like a lot of what Ari has said already and also commend you for having the self awareness to question your logic. It's isn't usually wise to make major decisions when we're in a state of turmoil. Kudos to you !

However, that being said...............

Sometimes life forces us to open our eyes to possibilities we might normally have never considered - or missed. If you're bleeding badly it's amazing how much stuff you can find around you to make a bandage out of !
Stuff you never would have thought of as a bandage at all !
You get what I'm saying ?

The trick it seems is to keep the awareness of potential all the while reinforcing what is really best. In other words - let's not go filling the first aid kit with toilet paper and old greasy rags from under the counter. They may have been a lifesaver at the time but there may be a better plan. But your thinking got expanded anyway out of necessity Normally a good thing !

Originally Posted by CranberryStardust View Post

My concern is that I might, by continuing this and getting closer, be using them to sooth myself in the aftermath of recent trauma and that long term, I might not have interest and end up hurting them. Originally, it was supposed to just be sexual but we have gone beyond that.
Great to ask this question ! Totally valid.
Might also be good to ask the question why you are concerned about "MIGHT not have interest in the future". You're right. You might not. On the other hand you might ! Only your expectation/conditioning would slant this one way or another right now.
Consider that either option is equally possible. What would you say and do then ?

Originally Posted by CranberryStardust View Post
Sadly, because of this, I was surprised when after our last encounter, they talked to me and hugged me. It felt so foreign...and good.
I'm sad that that is sad to you Foreign.
As opposed to what you had come to expect.

Originally Posted by CranberryStardust View Post
Am I simply going to an extreme to fill voids that were left by family members and friends?
Why would you consider this "extreme" ? New - yes. Untried - maybe. You seem already convinced that you are walking outside some boundary. You're automatically expecting the rug to fly out from under you. I suggest you don't do that ! The option you are 'exploring' is a perfectly valid one for thousands of other people. You just haven't been exposed until now.
It may or may not be a valid one for you too.

Originally Posted by CranberryStardust View Post
Can intense loneliness cause someone to enter into uncommon relationships that they would normally reject the idea of?
Of course. Our life is what we are living ! We can't separate ourselves from the experiences we have/had. It's the building blocks of who we are !
But we can step aside (like you are) and look at those blocks - and choose which one's we'll use for the foundation and which for the roof. The people who get into the biggest trouble are the ones that just grab the first block their hand lands on and start building. You're smart. Keep going.

Originally Posted by CranberryStardust View Post
I don't want to hurt them...I want them around and it feels good...but I also can't ignore the desire I have always had to meet a decent guy and have a traditional, monogamous marriage. That will eventually rear its head and cause issues I would imagine.
Ahhhhhh yes - finally this..............

I think it's normal (whatever that is) to want a "primary" (as we often refer to it) in our lives. Someone we know will always be there for us. Someone that "gets" us at a deeper level than anyone else.
But it's only social 'rules' that specify that that 'someone' has to be a singular person. Or a person of a specific gender. Or all the rest.
The rule instead should be.........

"what makes us happiest and most fulfilled ?"

The answer to that is a very individual thing. Assume nothing but what your heart tells you.

Better days ahead for you !

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