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Old 06-08-2011, 05:49 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by CranberryStardust View Post
However, I am concerned that I might not be entering the relationship for the best reasons. I have a feeling that the reason I am so open now to something I wouldn't have considered before is that my personal life is lacking and I am vulnerable and lonely. My family has pretty much fallen apart recently and I had been feeling rather orphaned and alone and unwanted...this couple seems to be filling some of those voids but is that healthy? They are a little older than me...she is very calm and rather maternal and I find her presence calming. He is very warm and open and accepting. I feel wanted all of a sudden.
The default answer would be you really don't want to enter into a relationship with everything around you is falling apart. Especially when family is effected because you could be enterring into a relationship looking for a surrogacy.

It depends what you want from the relationship. To feel loved, supported and enjoy being with them for whatever length of time is available?.. thats healthy. As long as everyone knows what this may end up being for you.

You are the only one who can truly know if this is good/bad/awesome. I would personally be hesitant to jump into a relationship with a person whose life is up in the air..

My concern is that I might, by continuing this and getting closer, be using them to sooth myself in the aftermath of recent trauma and that long term, I might not have interest and end up hurting them. Originally, it was supposed to just be sexual but we have gone beyond that.
I am impressed with your self observation and your healthy doubt about the entire situation. You should be commended.

I have been involved in a series of cold, meaningless sexual relationships with men who were uncaring and indifferent to me. Sadly, because of this, I was surprised when after our last encounter, they talked to me and hugged me. It felt so foreign...and good.
So you have been getting treated poorly, family stuff is rocky and these people are nice/kind/sexual (post sex endorphins as a reminder)...

Any words of advice? Am I simply going to an extreme to fill voids that were left by family members and friends? Can intense loneliness cause someone to enter into uncommon relationships that they would normally reject the idea of? I don't want to hurt them...I want them around and it feels good...but I also can't ignore the desire I have always had to meet a decent guy and have a traditional, monogamous marriage. That will eventually rear its head and cause issues I would imagine.
You need to decide if non-monogamy is what you want. Having threesomes and playing around is one thing. Investing into a dream that may not be yours. You need to figure out if thats truly what you want at the root.

It might be time to look at yourself, your desires and your dreams honestly.

Start there and work your way out.

I know, not much help.. be proud of your self honesty before getting involved.

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